Wrapping Up Cross Country

Hello Runners!

Wow, in the last couple months a lot has happened in my world of running. I last left off after the Griak meet, and since then raced the Nuttycombe invitational, Mountain West Conference Championships, and a mile time trial. I’ve struggled a lot this season and now that I am done competing in cross country this year, I want to explain all my thoughts.

I am largely at peace with what I have and haven’t accomplished this season. I say that as I am still grieving the sudden end of my fall racing, knowing that I won’t get to travel to Regionals or Nationals with my team.

I think that it’s okay to recognize the disappointment of an undesired outcome, even though I have made great improvements in my training. I have wrestled with knowing that my journey to reaching my potential in running will be unique to me, and that’s okay. It is tough seeing other people reaching my goals before I do and missing out on races that I want to be a part of. My mantra through this season has been

“You will arrive where you are meant to be when you are meant to be there.”

Is this easier said than believed? Yes, but I’m coming around to it.

One of the hardest parts of this cross country season is that I am extremely fit and have been working out so well. I’ve poured myself into big efforts, recovery, nutrition, mental toughness, and many other factors that I believe will make me a great runner. The problem is that this doesn’t seem to be translating to cross country races… which is problematic.

There is nothing more I could’ve asked of myself, my team, or my coaching staff this season. I received unwavering support through both my amazing workouts and poor races. After each race my coaches and I would reset and make a new plan baffled at how I could be the fittest I’ve ever been and racing worse than I had since arriving at CSU.

In my last race I felt the best I have the whole season, but it wasn’t quite enough. I finished the race and knew that it wasn’t up to my own high standards, but felt happy for the way I fought during the race. I appreciated the small win. Having a conversation with my coaches the week after they told me I would be done racing with the team for the season. While heartbroken that cross country didn’t go how I had hoped, I could still look at my team with so much pride and deep down still feel proud of myself for the success that happened in the process. My coaches told me how they still believe in me. They didn’t dismiss my poor results as something I did wrong, the training not working, or me simply not being cut out for collegiate cross country. They still believe that it will happen for me, but that it will just take some time for the training to click and for me to get used to the races. When your own belief in yourself is faltering, it is amazingly helpful to have people like Coach Hart and Coach Epperson lifting you up.

So, yes, I am disappointed, and to put it simply, just really sad. I poured all of myself into being ready and finding success this season so I could go out and run with my teammates at nationals. This didn’t happen, and it feels really bad. Right now I am just healing, resting, and putting the rest of my energy into supporting my teammates as they crush the championship season.

I am taking my break from running after doing a small mile time trial and then getting to help in a workout with my bestie and teammate Quinn. The time trial didn't heed the exact results I had hoped, but showed me that if I can do what I did alone, on a random Tuesday morning, I will be set up very well for indoor track, which I could not be more excited for!

So those are my thoughts for now. My key takeaways are that my journey to being a great runner might not look like everyone else’s, but I know I will get there just the same. Another I learned from Quinn is that just because things aren’t going how you want them to right now doesn’t take away any of your past achievements-- just because I didn’t race well this XC season doesn’t mean that I’m not that same runner that ran 4:40 in track to get third in indoor conference.

The last thing that I am still coming to terms with is that running is, in the end, a

small part of my life and who I am. Even though it feels completely consuming right now, I hope soon I will start to believe it. Wise words from my wise friend and mentor Kim McConnell:

“Running is important to an extent, but never an ultimate thing. It is simply a gift. Try to hold it loosely while you work to improve at it.”

I will be remembering these words and trying to embody this balance!

Here is a nice cozy and nutritious pumpkin bread recipe that Elyse Kopecky (co-author of Run Fast Eat Slow) released on Instagram!

Happy Running,

Anna